(i) Providing a safe space for your child to become resilient

The key to building resilience is not to solve your child’s problems for them. Instead, give them space to solve it themselves while still providing help if, and when, they require it. When your child recognises that their family is there to help and guide them through the challenges in their life, they will consider their family a safe, non-judgemental, and reliable support system that they can always reach out to.

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How can you provide your child with S.P.A.C.E. to grow resilience?
How can you have conversations using the language of resilience with your child?

How can you provide your child with S.P.A.C.E. to grow resilience?

As much as you may want to help your child solve their problems immediately, it is more important to provide them with the opportunity to develop resilience in the face of challenges and difficulties.

One way you can empower and guide them to do so is by practising S.P.A.C.E.

Support

Let your child know that you are there for them and will lend them a listening ear

PROBLEM-SOLVE

Guide your child in finding ways to overcome their challenges while also encouraging them to reflect and learn from their past experiences

Affirm

Affirm your child’s strengths and efforts while also providing them with words of encouragement

CHEER

Motivate your child by sharing inspirational stories of resilience and cheer on their efforts

Empower

Encourage your child to voice their thoughts and ideas, as well as allow them to make and carry out decisions on their own

For example:

Your child comes home and shares with you that their mind blanked out during a presentation in front of their class and their group members had to step in to help to complete the presentation. As a result, your child felt embarrassed and lousy about themselves.

Given this situation, here’s how you can use S.P.A.C.E. to help build your child’s resilience:

Attend to their emotional needs first
- Listen attentively by asking them what happened and showing empathy (e.g. “That sounds like a very difficult situation, and I can understand why you said you felt embarrassed about it.”)
- When your child feels that you are there to support them, they will be set at ease and may be more receptive to explore solutions to their problem(s)

Validate their feelings
- For example, you can say:

Provide them with reassurance
- Assure them you are there to support them (e.g. “It’s okay, you can prepare for it better in the future. Let me know if you need help.”)

Facilitate and explore with them ways they can improve
For example, you can say:

I will be your audience as you try out your ideas. Let’s see how we can help you better prepare for the presentation.

Use this as an opportunity to draw on the language of resilience (I Am, I Can and I Have) to guide your child in reflecting on their strengths
Here are some ways your child can use the language of resilience and what you, as a parent, can say to provide them with affirmations:

I Am – I am loved and accepted for who I am by my parents

- To affirm this, you can say:

I love you for who you are. No matter the outcome of the presentation, you are still our dear child.

I Can – I can talk to people whom I trust (i.e. family members) about things that frighten or bother me, and I can learn some relaxation techniques to help me feel better

- To affirm this, you can say:

You can always share with me about your struggles. You can practise deep breathing exercises to calm yourself down before and/or during the presentation.

I Have – I have people around me (i.e. family members) whom I trust, who love me no matter what, and are always there to journey with me in my difficult or challenging moments

- To affirm this, you can say:

I will always be here for you. We can listen and share our thoughts on the strategies that you want to try out.

I Can – I can talk to people whom I trust (i.e. family members) about things that frighten or bother me, and I can learn some relaxation techniques to help me feel better

- To affirm this, you can say:

Be your child’s cheerleader and celebrate their efforts, successes, and the experiences gained along the way, no matter how small they are
For example, you can say:

Let’s take baby steps towards your goals. Most importantly it is to gain precious experience in the journey. Press on!

Allow your child to make decisions on what strategies they would like to use to manage their challenges and guide them in carrying these out when needed
For example, you can say:

We have faith in you as we have seen how hard you have practised for your presentation and taught yourself to stay calm. Now, how do you plan to approach this issue? I’m here to support you when you need help.

As a parent, you play an important role in guiding your child through resilience-building conversations.

‘I Am, I Can, I Have’ is the common language of resilience that all students learn in school during their upper primary Character and Citizenship Education (Form Teacher Guidance Period) lessons. It adopts a strengths-based approach based on the idea that children can identify and capitalise on their strengths to help them through challenges.

Parent talking to their child on the couch

By using this approach, you can not only help your child build their self-confidence and the support around them to take on new challenges, but also reinforce what they have learnt in school.

You can use the following conversations to guide your child to reflect on how they have overcome their difficulties and challenges by tapping on their internal strengths (I Am, I Can) and external strengths (I Have).

What it means

Beliefs about themselves and how they perceive the situation they are in.

Questions you can ask your child

What beliefs have helped you overcome your past challenges? What did you tell yourself to overcome your struggles?

Responses your child could use

Sense of purpose:
I am part of something bigger that I can contribute to.
Hope/Positive outlook:
I am hopeful for the future.
Growth mindset:
I am learning from my mistakes.
Gratitude:
I am grateful for people in my life.
Self-esteem:
I am someone of worth that people like and love.
Self-efficacy:
I am confident of my abilities.
Help-seeking:
I am willing to ask for help.

What it means

Skills and strategies they can adopt to work through the situation they are in.

Questions you can ask your child

What were some helpful skills you have used to resolve your problems? What did you do to overcome your struggles?

Responses your child could use

Problem-solving:
I can find ways to solve the problems I face.
Flexibility:
I can look at this problem from different ways.
Help-seeking:
I can find someone to talk to about things that frighten or bother me, or that I cannot solve on my own.
Emotional regulation/coping:
I can find healthy ways to manage or cope with what I am feeling.
Social skills:
I can work things out with the other person.

What it means

Trusted adults and peers around them who can help them overcome the situation they are in.

Questions you can ask your child

Who can you turn to for support? (e.g. teachers, school counsellors, friends). How did you reach out to those around you for support? What kind
of support do you need from those you reached out to?

Responses your child could use

Care:
I have people to help me when I am sick, in danger, or need help with what I am facing.
Support:
I have people to encourage me when I am going through a tough time.
Security:
I have people who I trust, and who accept me unconditionally.
Belonging:
I have a group that I feel a part of.
Boundaries:
I have people who set limits for me so I know when to stop before there is danger or trouble.
Role-modelling:
I have role models who show me how to do things right.

(i) Providing a safe space for your child to become resilient

How can you provide your child with S.P.A.C.E. to grow resilience?

Support

PROBLEM-SOLVE

Affirm

CHEER

Empower

Support

Problem-solve

Affirm

Cheer

Empower

How can you have conversations using the language of resilience with your child?