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    Two kids having a conflict

    (iii) Helping your child learn to manage conflict

    While conflicts are a normal part of life, having frequent or unresolved conflicts can cause a child distress. For the well-being of your child, it is important to create a safe and supportive environment. This does not mean avoiding all conflicts but instead, learning how to manage conflicts well.

    By showing and guiding your child on how to manage conflicts in a healthy way, they will get to learn and build the skill sets to manage conflicts in future.

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    Here are some examples of conflicts that could happen and how to manage them well:

    I’m sorry, mum. I'm sorry too. Let's solve this issue together.

    • After a family conflict, when everyone is calm, let your child know that it is okay for family members to disagree and make mistakes

    • Establish some ground rules with your child on how to manage conflicts well (e.g. avoid personal attacks and hurtful statements, agree on a time-out sign to take a break and calm down, take responsibility for mistakes)

    • Take courage to apologise and calmly work towards a resolution

    A couple fighting

    • Discuss with your partner and agree on the parenting approach and expectations for your child

    • Support each other’s efforts in parenting your child

    • Work out your differences in a private place, in the absence of your child

    • Do not make your child take sides or be a messenger for either parent

    • Rather than making negative comments about your partner’s characteristics and identity (e.g. “You make me angry” or “You are useless”), address their actions and behaviours (e.g. “I feel angry when you do/say …”)

      • This will prevent your child from thinking that aggression and hurting others’ feelings are acceptable ways to deal with conflicts

    • If a family member (e.g. you or your partner) is aggressive or violent towards other family members, seek immediate professional help and develop a safety plan

      • You can consider visiting a nearby Family Service Centre (FSC) to speak to a family counsellor or social worker about your problems

      • Alternatively, call the National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline (NAVH) at 1800-777-0000* to seek further help

    * Airtime charges apply for mobile calls to 1800 service lines

    A parent trying to help two siblings having a conflict

    • To reduce conflicts from happening:

      • Praise and affirm your children when you notice them getting along or helping one another

      • Set family rules on how conflict should be managed (e.g. go to another room to calm down when you feel angry)

      • Encourage your children to spend quality time together (e.g. play games, exercise together)

    • If a conflict has already occurred:

      • Give your children time to calm down

      • Once they are calm, discuss with them about what happened, what they have learnt, and how they can minimise conflict in the future

    Friends having a conflict

    • Apply strategies such as 3Rs – Recall-Rationalise-Replace or Stop-Think-Do to guide your child to overcome the conflict or disagreement with their peers

    A binder
    Helping your child manage their feelings appropriately
    Module 2C(iii)
    A parent consoling their child

    • Talk about the online conflict with your child to understand what has happened

    • Guide them to decide on when online communication can continue and when it is more appropriate to talk in person

      • When those involved are emotionally charged, it can be very difficult to manage the situation without communicating in person

    • Support your child in resolving the issue face-to-face, in your presence or that of a trusted adult, as needed