-
Set expectations that are easy to understand, as well as clear and logical consequences for breaking rules
-
Ensure rules are positively phrased as what should be done, rather than what should not be done (e.g. “Say kind words” instead of “Don’t be rude”)
How do you set effective expectations and rules?
When setting family rules, consider the following:
Prioritise setting rules for important topics such as
-
Safety (e.g. curfews)
-
Daily routines (e.g. chores, homework)
-
Balanced use of devices (e.g. when and for how long devices can be used)
-
How to treat one another (e.g. respecting others both online and offline)
-
Regularly involving your child from a young age can help them better understand the importance of, as well as be more likely to accept and abide by the rules since they helped in developing those rules
-
Help your child understand what the rules are and the reasons behind them (e.g. the rules are for their safety and well-being, not to make them miserable)
-
If your child feels that a rule is unfair, have an open discussion with them and consider compromises where appropriate
-
As an adult your child looks up to, it is important for you to set an example for them to follow
-
Hence, adults in the family should also adhere to rules that apply to all family members
For younger children:
Do note that more support and reminders may be needed to keep to family rules. Besides setting rules that are tied to external rewards and consequences, it is important to help them be intrinsically motivated to follow rules (e.g. I need to go home on time so as to not make my parents worry).
As your child matures and shows more responsibility, it is also important to review and adjust your family rules accordingly.
For example:
When your child is younger:
Set rules that help them manage how they spend their time (e.g. go to bed by 9.30pm)
As your child grows older:
Give them some flexibility and autonomy in managing their time (e.g. go to bed at a time that allows them to have enough rest for the next day)
Keep in mind that the ultimate goal of setting and reviewing family rules is to help your child grow into an adult with the right values and self-control that will guide them in making wise choices.
For older children:
It is helpful to keep the family rules somewhere private where both you and your child can easily refer to them if needed (e.g. as a note on the phone), instead of making the rules public (e.g. pasted in the living room). This puts the responsibility of following the rules on your child and shows you trust them to do so.
What should you consider when setting rules on the use of smartphones?
A family rule parents often talk about is when to give their child a smartphone, and how it should be used.
Giving a phone to your child can bring about conveniences such as being able to contact them easily, knowing their location for an easy pick up at school, or for them to communicate with their classmates about schoolwork.
However, giving your child a smartphone too early may lead to issues such as excessive device use or even exposure to unwelcome interactions with online strangers and inappropriate content.
Therefore, for children under 13, do not give your child access to social media, and mobile devices with unrestricted access to the internet and applications. Major social media services require users to be at least 13 years old.
When making decisions around whether your child needs a smartphone, it is also important to understand their maturity and self-responsibility, besides considering their age.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself when deciding whether to give your child their first smartphone:
-
Does your child need a smartphone for communication?
-
Does your child need a smartphone for schoolwork or school-related activities?
-
Can your child keep track of their belongings independently?
-
Can your child handle their own responsibilities without constant reminders?
-
Can your child obey rules and guidelines set in place?
-
Can your child differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate content?
-
Will your child talk to you about issues they might encounter while using a smartphone or have they done so before (e.g. unpleasant messages or inappropriate content)?
-
Are you or can you be a good role model on smartphone use for your child?
-
Are you ready/prepared to establish and enforce rules with your child’s smartphone usage, including monitoring apps, screen time and internet use?
For more factors you should consider before deciding whether to give your child their first smartphone, read the article “Is Your Child Ready for a Smartphone” published by the Infocomm Media Development Authority (IMDA).
Should you decide to give your child a smartphone, include your child in an open family discussion about the rules on phone ownership and use. For example, you may want to set rules on when the smartphone should or should not be used, such as at mealtimes, before bed, or during family activities.
Involving your child in rule discussions on smartphone use may reduce their outbursts when they face consequences from breaking set rules (e.g. when they are told to stop their device use or have their device confiscated for a set duration), as they would have agreed on these consequences along with the rest of the family.
To prepare your child for their first smartphone,
To prepare your child for their first smartphone,
Ask them about the responsibility of owning a smartphone
-
“Can you tell me what are the rules you must follow when owning a smartphone?”
-
“Can you share with me why it’s important to be responsible for your smartphone?”
Get them to reflect on safe and responsible smartphone use
-
“How will you show me you will use your smartphone responsibly, respectfully, and safely?”
Have them write a set of rules and expectations for the family’s smartphone use, and the consequences for breaking these rules
-
“Let’s come up with a set of family rules on how we should use our smartphones.”
-
“Let’s think about what should happen if anyone breaks any of the rules.”
To find out more about giving your child their first smartphone, read the Smartphone Parent Guide published by the Media Literacy Council.